So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
