I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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