At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
