You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
