I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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