the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
