dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
