toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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