another moral hangover. fuck.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
