my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
