I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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