Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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