Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
