he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
