I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
