I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
