the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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