You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
