There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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