His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
