plz talk dirty to me
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
