I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When did angry sex become our thing?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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