i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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