***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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