I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
