Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
