We named our party play list daddy issues
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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