I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
