I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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