what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
