I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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