if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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