I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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