guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
