I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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