I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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