Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
