dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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