It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
