Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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