also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
