I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
