i think my mom watched the whole time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
