upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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