I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just googled if crying burns calories
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
