We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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