I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
