lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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