Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im having a threesome with these popsicles
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
