Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
